This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
