I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
