im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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