Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
