how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
