tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
