My girlfriend figured out who you are.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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