His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
