I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
