this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
