I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
