the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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