You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
