Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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