New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
