Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
