if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Randomize
