Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
