Don't make out with my wife yet
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
