no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
