I intend to get homeless drunk
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
