the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
