Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
