He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
