wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
