dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
