i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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