Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
