i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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