I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
