dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
