Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
