kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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