It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
