its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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