I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
