Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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