Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
