I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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