evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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