a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
