she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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