that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
