i just wanna soil my oats bro
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
