no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
