i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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