i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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