my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
