Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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