you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
