My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
